Tag Archives: 2015

Death Anniversary

Let it hurt. Let it bleed. Let it heal. And let it go.

– Nikita Gill

2015 ends up to be the loneliest year of my life. It’s a rollercoaster ride of emotional turmoil. It’s the year I cried the most. There has never been a day that I haven’t thought of my mother. There is never a week that I didn’t shed a tear. Anxiety creeps in to distract my solitude. My life is a chaos, with nobody to turn to, even the person I trusted the most.

My mother’s first year death anniversary is coming up soon. This was how my 2015 kicked off last year. Full of anxiety and heartbreak till the end. I even hit my quota of unfair share of tough life on Christmas day.

To heal from the pain of sudden goodbye is a long process. I hope this new year, It will hurt a little less. To let go of what I don’t deserve. To journey and find my own peace and be happy again.

To my beloved mother, whom I dearly missed. I know life has been so unfair with you too, and I thank you for being strong all those times. I’m sorry for letting you down. I miss you.

 

Holiday Blues

Late last year was a challenge to my strength. I tried very hard to push myself to endure work and gain some  free time too. Less sleep, not enough rest, more sales, pay bills, repeat. With great bills, comes great responsibility and I know that it will be a struggle to get by for the next years to come. So, for Christmas holiday, I was really looking forward to some rest and quality time too. Which was a big disappointment. Maybe if I just stayed out of that Christmas holiday illusion, there will be no expectations at all. Going on a trip for New Year though was good. At least the quality time I needed finally happened.

I don’t have resolutions for New Year as I tend to forget them just few days later. I set goals though to challenge myself in pursuing them throughout the year. This year I plan to torture myself more, doing double of what I achieved last year. Maybe if I just re-direct all my energies to the right direction, everything will fall into their rightful places. I plan to get back into the action immediately after my long rest.

This year though started rough and very unforgiving. As if a sign that it will not be smooth sailing from here on. As if an issue of my own life will be not be a handful to deal with, a news broke when I got home from my holiday vacation, that my mother was rushed to a hospital for Ascites (when fluid fills the space between the lining of the abdomen and the organs). We thought it was only a minor viral infection, that could be easily treated with all the technologies nowadays. We thought so, and prayed hard too.

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